Coping with Grief

Helping you Deal with Pet Loss Grief

We’ve experienced pet loss, both personally and professionally. Our pet loss professionals have put together a set of online pet bereavement articles and downloadable resources, intended to support you during this difficult time, including:

A 15-Day Grief Support Program Our series of email messages titled, Pushing the Clouds Away, will guide you gently through the pet loss grief journey. Scroll to the bottom of the page to subscribe.

Pet Loss Journals With two versions, one for kids and one for adults, these are the companion journals to the Pushing the Clouds Away email series. Download Pushing the Clouds Away: Kid's Journal or Pushing the Clouds Away: Adult's Journal now.
We have the pet loss journal for kids which offers younger children supportive activities they can do alone, or with the family.

We invite you to learn about The Dynamics of Grief, and for those of you who know small children faced with pet loss, our Helping Children through Pet Loss provides the top ten things you can do with them to support them in their unique journey of pet loss bereavement.

Don’t neglect to review our page of Inspirational Quotations, either; where you’re sure to find something special to help you through this experience. If self-care during this time is proving difficult, then download our 40 Ways to Nurture Your Well-Being. And if you know an older adult dealing with pet loss, you’ll find more details further down the page.

The Dynamics of Grieving

A favorite quote about grief is this observation from C.S. Lewis who, in A Grief Observed wrote “No one ever told me that grief was so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.”

And, unfortunately, no one (now, or throughout history) has ever lived a loss-free life; everyone living today, as well as all those who came before us, commoners, members of royalty, and everyone in between, has experienced the loss of someone or something dear to them. And they’ve endured the loss in their way–for that’s the nature of grief: it’s not the same experience for everyone.

So, what’s it like for you? Whether it feels like fear or simply an overwhelmingly large sadness that prevents you from doing anything more than weeping–grief is a dynamic force for change in our lives. A force to be accepted and understood.  

What is Grief?

Grief is a complex, multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. While most people focus on the many emotional responses to loss, grief also has physical, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.

What Can I Expect?

George Bonanno, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, conducted more than two decades of scientific studies on grief and trauma. Subjects of his studies number in the several thousand and include people who have suffered losses in the U.S. and cross-cultural studies in various countries around the world. His subjects suffered losses through war, terrorism, deaths of children, premature deaths of spouses, sexual abuse, childhood diagnoses of AIDS, and other potentially devastating loss events or potential trauma events.

In his book, The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After a Loss he summarizes his research. Because grief responses can take many forms, including laughter, celebration, and bawdiness, in addition to sadness. Bonanno coined the phrase "coping ugly" to describe the idea that some forms of coping may seem odd, bizarre, or yes, downright ugly. And you should know this: there is no right or wrong way to mourn a loss. There’s just your way.

The process of grief includes:

Feelings

Most people who grieve experience these emotions: sadness, anger, disbelief, numbness, relief, and guilt. They may come and go, or appear unexpectedly in response to a “cue”: something that reminds you of the pet, or person, or thing, you lost. It may be scary to experience such a wide range of emotions or to feel them with such intensity, as you adjust to the loss you have experienced. But, all are part of the grief experience.

Random Thoughts

People who are grieving may experience many unfamiliar thoughts. A sense of disbelief or confusion, preoccupation with thoughts of the loved one who has died, disorientation, or even a sense of “presence” of their loved one may be experienced. Being “preoccupied” in this way is distracting, so take extra care when driving, crossing the street, or walking downstairs.

Physical Sensations

As C.S. Lewis described, his experience of grief felt like fear. Often after a loved one dies, people describe feeling “hollowness” in the chest, tightness in the stomach; increased sensitivity to noise or touch, weakness, and a loss of energy. It is important to remember that these, too, are normal experiences, particularly in the early days and weeks after the death of a beloved pet.

Odd Behaviors

It is common to experience changes in sleep or appetite patterns. There may also be a sense of social withdrawal, as the energy it takes to interact seems taxing. It is normal to feel disoriented and exhausted. You may feel that no one else understands what you are going through. Some people have vivid dreams, cry constantly, or can’t cry at all.
Understandably, any combination of the above behaviors can cause the person who is grieving to feel a loss of control and to wonder if life will ever again have stability or meaning. While these experiences may not be normal for your “normal” life, they are normal for the grief experience, and they will pass.

For a deeper understanding, see how we can help.

Coping with Pet Loss

“Animals are reliable,” wrote Alfred Montapert, “many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful, and loyal.” He went on to comment these are “difficult standards for people to live up to.” In other words, our cherished animal companions are our teachers, our confidantes, and often our protectors. Is it any wonder we are broken-hearted when they leave us?

If you have recently experienced the death of a pet, please accept our condolences. Without a doubt, the death of a pet can be one of the hardest things we ever face–and right now, we’d like you to know that you are not alone in your sorrow. All of us here know firsthand both the joys of sharing our lives with a pet–and the remarkable sadness felt when they pass out of our lives. We stand beside you, in loving support.

9 Things You Can Do Today to Help Coping with Pet Loss

Grief counselors agree: there are ways to ease your journey through the sadness of loss, including the loss of a cherished pet. Here’s what they advise:
  • Take care of yourself physically
  • Explore your spirituality
  • Write a letter– or letters– to your pet
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Let yourself cry
  • Reach out to others
  • Tune into your feelings
  • Postpone unnecessary changes
  • Cherish your fond memories and accept the difficult ones
  • Subscribe to our 15-day series of supportive email messages found below.
In addition, we suggest that you:

Are You Still Looking for Help?

You only have to go as far as your phone. Please contact us. We promise to respond to your inquiries by providing the most up-to-date information, in a most timely way.
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